I've started reading the book "Through Gates of Splendor" By Elisabeth Elliot. The first two chapters have been a humbling experience. I realize that I don't give my life to God. Well, not how I should. I have too much of a hold on this life. I read how Jim and Pete were both just bursting with excitement to serve God in missionary work. The attitudes in which they approached things is inspiring.
It has made me realize how much I focus on the "now" and not on The Spirit. I'm thankful that God has shown me this. I'm thankful that He doesn't allow me to feel that I've "got it right". It helps me continue to learn humility.
I'm slowly learning what it truly means to love our Lord. Its not some abstract idea we throw around to make ourselves sound good. Its a deep, moving feeling that grips you by the chest and makes it to where you can hardly breathe. Its.......something more than anything I could type here could come close to describe.
I'm very fortunate that God has opened my heart and allowed me to love Him. I just pray that He can take this lingering desire for this world away.