Friday, March 25, 2011

Know when to say "No"

Knowing when to say "no" is a vital lesson to learn. Too many times, we take on the weight of the world trying to be super woman. Why? I have no earthly idea. Maybe we like punishment? I know I fall victim of this all.the.time. I'm trying to do better. I pray. A LOT. I pray about what jobs I should do. I pray for God to open up opportunities for me, and until He does, I pray that I don't jump into something I shouldn't be meddling in.

Sometimes, that works....Often times, it doesn't. When it doesn't work - I pray for grace and the courage to come to the person I have promised, and let them know I just can't do it.

I hate when this costs me money. For me personally, I have said "yes" to two things I shouldn't have: coordinating a football team (being the organizer, contact person, registration back up), and taking college classes again.

The first was easy to fix. I swallowed a little pride and emailed the director. I told her I couldn't do it anymore, and I explained why. Fortunately, she is a godly lady and understands.

The second takes a little more effort. I have a big pride problem with school. I don't know why! Yes, I do. Because I'm prideful. I never earned my degree, and I somehow think this limits me or labels me something that I'm not. God has given me purpose in life, and it does NOT require any form of a degree. I have gone back and forth to school for 5 years now. It doesn't get any easier.

I thought I had learned my lesson once before, but it would appear that I hadn't. Right now, I'm signed up for 2 classes. One is going ok. The other is an accelerated class, and I just can't keep up. I need to drop it, and I know my husband will not be pleased that I wasted more of his money.

Hopefully, he'll show me grace...AND won't agree to allow me to take more classes in the future.

I have to realize that God has said "no" to me on this part of my life. I need to accept that and move on. And...I must do this JOYFULLY!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Our Homeschooling Journey...take 2

Our homeschool journey began much like many other journeys. My husband and I saw a need, we prayed, and were lead to homeschool. With much enthusiasm, we researched, bought, registered, and prepared for our school year.
                The first year ran incredibly smoothly. Sure, we had our struggles, but they were all worked out quickly. One might imagine that with such a wonderful inaugural year, our second year would be equally smooth. We were experienced! Surely, the wisdom gained would carry over to our next year.
                Unfortunately, I entered the school year with a lazy heart. I felt as though I had quickly mastered the fine nuances of homeschooling in merely a year. With all that pride swarming in me, I no longer sought God’s will for our school. I found a new curriculum that would allow my child to do her work on her own via a computer. I squealed with delight at the thought of not having to do much more than checking her progress once a day. I quickly rationalized the curricula switch and made the purchase.
                The following months were embarrassingly horrible. My daughter felt neglected and behaved extremely rebelliously. We fought constantly. Our house became a war-zone. We tried to switch back to our old curriculum, but it was too late. I was angry with God. I found it completely unfair that I had to deal with such stress and angst. Naturally, I decided to rebel. Four months into our school year, I re-enrolled my child into public school.
                Somehow, during this stormy season I convinced myself that all of this was God’s will for our family. I would pray, but I would never slow down enough to really listen to His answer. Honestly, I didn’t want to hear His answer. I had my solution, and that’s all I wanted.
                I saw my child change a lot in the next few months. She would come home angry every day, upset at her modest clothing. They made her a target for her classmates. She just wanted to fit in, but to do so would require sacrificing our family values. She stayed angry most days.
                As the year drew to a close, it was time to tour the middle school my daughter would attend. I remember arriving at the school completely confident in what we were about to experience. What I received, though, was the most disheartening, disturbing, and disorganized presentation I have ever seen. I was shaken to the core. It was then that I realized God was gripping my heart. I was on fire for homeschooling. I would not, could not stand by and allow this horrid mistake to continue metastasizing. A commitment was made that day, to my children and God. And life hasn’t been the same since.  

Returning to the nook

I stopped posting on this site for a while, focusing all my time and energy into trying to lose weight. Somewhere I lost sight on what was most important, though. I've since canceled that blog. I need a place to muse, vent, ramble, giggle, cry, etc., so I've decided to breathe life back into my *nook*.

Before I get too far into this, I just have to say, if you happen to be reading this post (or any other post on this blog), you may notice that I last wrote that we were quitting homeschooling. A lot has changed since then (obviously...a LOT of time has transpired since then). The best way I can sum up what happened is by posting a personal essay I wrote regarding that matter. I'll post that separately from this. Suffice it to say, I am still homeschooling :) Not only that, but I've recently been appointed as the director of my local homeschooling group. What an adventure!

Although I can't say that I'll be regular with posting here...I would like to say that I want to see my posts be uplifting, encouraging, but mostly - real. There may be humor involved, or frustration beyond comprehension, or even elation over the latest "rainbow moment" in my life...but mostly, there will be honesty.

If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy!